why I quit my dream job
About a year ago I briefly caught lightning in a bottle.
The lightning happened to spark an opportunity to work at a company I would never have dreamed of working at. It was at a time when I had recently come out of a failed bootstrapped startup.
It was like the stars aligned and a more perfect pitch could not have been thrown my way and you know what they say...
No and no. It was not some AI hotness nor big tech FANG MANGO or whatever. It was at a place where the, dare I say, art of engineering is highly regarded. It was where all the cool kids hang and I was invited to hang by the coolest kid. Radical right?
I interviewed, passed, got an offer, and accepted the offer.
I almost didn't accept the offer, even though it for more than I had ever made in my life. I had a small fear in the back of my mind that I wasn't the right fit. That I wasn't “cool” enough to hang with the kids. But, I silenced that voice and joined anyway.
A month in, and I quit.
so, what happened?
I have had both time and distance to think long and hard about it. There were many dynamics at play, as is always the case, some in my control and most not. I think the short of it was the ever dreaded imposter syndrome.
When I started, I had one thing in my mind, “don't fuck this up.”
Every day felt like I was fucking something up even. By the end of the first month, I knew it was not the right place for me.
They did try to keep me and said I could take a few weeks off to think it over, paid even. But I knew deep down, I wasn't a cool kid and I didn't belong there.
But wait a minute, cool kid? Belong? The heck?
Why in the world am I looking for belonging in a job? Should I be looking for belonging in a job? Should you? What factors are actually important in a job?
a jobs a job
Someone once gave me this advice.
I don't know if that is good advice but I took it to mean that I shouldn't overthink it.
I like programming. It is nice to get paid to program. Having a job where I get paid to program would be pretty rad. Having a job isn't so rad but not having a job is even less rad.
If I have a job where I get paid to program, I don't want to have to “prove” myself constantly. I don't want to worry about status, how much money I make or other people make, whether I am “cracked” or “cooked” or MANGO_FANGO or whatever it is other people worry about.
It may be a good idea to, I don't know, list what I want, say
- a job where I program (a given)
- a job where I get paid somewhat fairly (it is never fair, get over it)
- a job which is not remote (crazy I know)
- a job which is not 5 days at the office (less crazy)
- a job where most coworkers are engaged (they exist)
- a job where there is a mountain of work (all of them)
- but the mountain is shared (not all of them)
- a job where the work mountain matters (more than a few, less than most)
- a job where I can see the impact of the work (even fewer)
- a job where the commute isn't soul crushing (if you're in the bay, get fucked)
- a job where my commute doesn't involve dodging cracked out knife wielding hobos (see above)
There, I think that should about do it. Maybe more, maybe less, certainly not the same as your list (you do have a list right?) but you are also not me.
Bonus
- a job where I get to code stuff I like (performance, graphics, low level)
Well, how's the job market?
hello darkness my old friend…
There are AI companies and AI companies these days. Even the old school non-AI companies were actually AI companies all along. That is fine, AI is cool.
Oof, I will spare you the details but after well over 6 months, I did find a job. It didn't check all the boxes on that list but it did check a surprising number, almost all of them.
As a matter of fact...
we're hiring
That is right, we are hiring. You have been bamboozled. This was a recruitment blog post all along. I like to take the, circuitous route in life, always zigging when others zag or zagging when others zig.
I don't know what your dream job is and maybe it isn't anything like mine which is ok. And maybe my team isn't a fit for you. That is also ok. But if you like the following
- typescript (cough cough, javascript)
- a whisper of c++, a dusting of go
- bleeding edge web tech
- painting with all the colors of the engineer
- low latency realtime data visualization
- live in the bay area (I know I know. I tried)
- and being adventurous forever
Hit me up.
I will update this if the position is filled but in all seriousness, I have found that sometimes it is better to focus on the process so to speak and not the outcome. Dream jobs change throughout life which is ok. What I wanted for lunch yesterday isn't what I want today and certainly won't be what I want tomorrow. All that does matter, is that I get to eat.
Until next time.